Do you know what the hardest thing is about this right now? It’s that I can see exactly what I want in my mind and I’m struggling to get the page to reflect that. It’s silly but that’s my resistance right now–I don’t want to log in and see the incongruence. Silly. Of course it’ll still be there until I find a way to adjust, adjust, adjust and bring the vision to reality. But I want record of this feeling so that a few months from now or a year from now I can remember just how hard it was to even log in, despite the desire to create.

There are a lot of other new beginnings right now. As I’m trying to be really conscious about where and how I spend my money I’m suddenly finding myself researching companies, founders, past political donations, current affiliations, and wondering how the heck I’m going to replace Target now that they’ve announced the end of DEI initiatives. That one has been the biggest blow. I want to give myself a little time to source my usual Target purchases because it takes so much work to trace where each dollar goes but I know that would be beside the point. I can find my laundry detergent somewhere. I can find the cat food somewhere. And because I’m just starting this journey, I know I don’t have all the tools I need. I’m currently using OpenSecrets.org as the starting place, as well as Goods Unite Us.

Because I’m just starting out my baseline is just avoiding companies and products that have supported the current administration in any way. Once I get this first step down, I hope to focus on spending my money in women and minority-owned businesses. Baby steps. I honestly have struggled so much to be an ally–not in my heart but in my actions. I am an expert shopper. Expert. So understanding and caring where my money goes is my first act of resistance. I don’t know where else to start.